You take care of everyone.
We take care of you.

Three years in and I finally asked for help

I cared for my mom alone for three years. Didn't tell anyone how bad it was getting. Last month I finally called my sister and just said "I can't do this anymore." She came. I cried for about an hour. Sharing this in case anyone else is still holding it together alone — you don't have to.

Dad asked me who I was today

Stage 3 dementia. He looked right at me and asked "who are you?" I said "I'm your daughter." He smiled and said "you seem nice." I held it together until I got to my car. Is this something you ever get used to?

Tip: the double calendar system

I keep two calendars now — one for my mom's appointments and one for mine. Mine has exactly two things on it each week that are non-negotiable: Saturday morning coffee alone, Sunday evening walk. Protecting those two things has kept me sane. Highly recommend.

Six months after — life on the other side

Mom passed six months ago after four years of me as her primary caregiver. I want to say something to those of you still in it: the love you are giving right now matters enormously, even when it doesn't feel like it. And it does get easier. Not better, exactly. Just different.